I've written all my life, it's helped me to not go totally psychotic... Been held down by words of others; Battered by accusations; drug under by drugs and drinking, and still, my empire is on fire, and I stand atop. This victory, is mine. I Stand Above.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
You BEST Remember, Lord - You Can't Break My Broken Wings...
Sometime in the A.M. on May 15, 2010:
Hold my breath in deeply
And the stabbing pain of my existence
Hits me
This house, is no longer my home
It is an asylum for tainted memories
Every hole in a wall
Is a different memory
A fading glimpse
Of the way life used to be
This house isn’t holy
This house
Is only a memory
Mama struggling
Battling my demons
Bound by some chains
I wish to break free from
These possessions are all I have
Nothing to show
This disappointment, is just that
These things , they mean nothing
And I don’t know what to do
Don’t know where to go
I am never happy in this home
Something to escape
Insanity has given me a taste
Left with nothing but ‘things’
Remember Lord,
You can’t break these broken wings
Nestled comfortably inside my hell,
My cage; unlocked -
These demons to quell.
Nothing to tell
I have nothing to say
I only think when I write
And want the rest to go away.
Years of being trapped
Years of being dependent
Mama’s on the brink now,
Think I’ll always be co-dependent
This place is a wreck,
Very much like my HeAd
Push and push things away
But they remain; they stay
This place is no longer my home
Now it’s time to make a move -
To drag all this along.
So worrisome, so consumed
No relief from this mess
No more pills, only booze
And I fall into a category 4 hurricane
Have these thoughts that I keep inside
Made me more insane?
Wasting my time with words and paper
Wondering if my kids will understand
Why I can’t make the bankroll
Copyright K. Anne Smith
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