The Art of Failing in the Most Successful Fashion....(or not)

 

 

Successfully Failing!

This conquest that has been set

Run through all the stop signs

Disobeyed all the rules of the mission

I was given

Left up to me 

Whether or not

help would be delivered

Methods fail when

the resistance is frail

I walk on fire

And sleep on nails...

 

The Haunting in the Attic of the Mind....Hidden Dreams and Desire that will never be fulfilled...

A Dick

about being addicted

One foot forward, the other foot planted

Pivot to change the situation, 

Turn away wish away the events 

that have made all this happen

Tripping over you as I trip on my own problems

I got you now, and you're always safe - 

Now I throw out the life preserver, and throw up four fingers

Preserving and perservering 

from OxyContin oceans

One sniff 

Two

Break the lines; One for me and one for you

( I have failed as your refuge; your personal savior)

Now we ride in the same boat, down the same stream 

Both following the same insane leader

A helping hand doesn't slip

or loosen the grip

the bond grows stronger and tighter

with every obstacle we've hit.

Falling from the sky

without a chute

Highter than the sky; without an escape route

Help? I'll help - (need some myself)

My Wings were clipped, 

They stay broken - 

Scar tissue holds that wound together;

Strength is captured in the 

pain we endure

or the pain that we don't wish to remember

So how do we do this? We'll make it, I'm sure - 

I've got your hands;

Hold them close

Hold your heart with a tighter grip than could ever be satisfied

By a Dose

Struggle - nervous meltdown

And I still wonder why 

I feel the cold

Abdorb the rain

And tightly hold the hand 

of the man Who knows me for who I am.

The FOUR; the Foul - 

A heartbroken face that still wears a smile-

My every day mask

Soon, all this will pass

and once again, the fire that ignited my soul and warmed my spirit

Will be doused in kerosene-Flames will rise from this chaos

And turn this habit to ashes.

 Burn away the toxins

and let me meet myself

Again.

====================================================================

Baby, you belong to me

 A drive the lifeboat

that we float on

I keep steering us into oblivion and shallow water

With a leaky vessel

Who will jump from this ship

And abandon Hope

though riddled with holes and punctured 

like the wounds of broken souls

(bleed slow)

Wings are scarred; mind is stressed and tattered

But with you, baby - love is all that matters  

We'll stay afloat

even when that lifeboat proves full of holes

Hold you safely near my heart, every night 

(like I did from the start)

And no matter how broken your soul was, 

I'm here to mend your scars.

Between Two Evils - I Always Try the One I never Tried Before.....

I wonder; 

like Alice

after she fell down the rabbit hole

A landscape laced with traps

Bobbing and weaving to avoid exposure and malice

And frantically, I reach for invisible nets

Something to stop me, 

But I slip on every handle that I grip

Tow the line of sanity

with insane rationality

Faster I fall, 

Further I go

Breaking the barrier of silence

Thinking that I'll soon treat myself to a dose

of self-inflicted violence

Loving you....it scares me

Caring for you; I enjoy

Filled with worry and anxiety

Sometimes, so helpless

I can only cry.

I draw my breath - and never pictures

I hold it in, 

the air feels like splinters

(These screaming thoughts...are they voices - or are they NOT?)

Rationality in small packages

Slipping open the ribbon of the straight jacket

Straight?

Who's thinking straight?

Who was right in deciding my fate?

As long as I squeezed my eyes shut...

wide awake in a nightmare

Ignoring the inevitable (I know this from friends who have remained true)

Twisting Fate and moving the ladder out from underneath my feet

Slipped on a rung, took a few hits

Knocked some things loose

Bled; still dealt with it

Climing upward; getting knocked down 

Down below the dirt

(the dead aren't the only ones buried underground)

So, I tilt this glass again

(Tilt my hat, your face goes splAT!)

Pour another drink again

Find myself drowning, again

Again, I am lost within.

Habits take hold

Destroy the weak and break down the bold

Counterproductive actions and facts

I'm screaming and flying a flag of S.O.S. (it hangs from the brim of my glass)

Drowning, suffocating

My own breath is crushing me

Blind, but leading 

My open eyes are wide awake

and still

I Fail To See.

Copyright 2010 K.A. Smith