I wonder;
like Alice
after she fell down the rabbit hole
A landscape laced with traps
Bobbing and weaving to avoid exposure and malice
And frantically, I reach for invisible nets
Something to stop me,
But I slip on every handle that I grip
Tow the line of sanity
with insane rationality
Faster I fall,
Further I go
Breaking the barrier of silence
Thinking that I'll soon treat myself to a dose
of self-inflicted violence
Loving you....it scares me
Caring for you; I enjoy
Filled with worry and anxiety
Sometimes, so helpless
I can only cry.
I draw my breath - and never pictures
I hold it in,
the air feels like splinters
(These screaming thoughts...are they voices - or are they NOT?)
Rationality in small packages
Slipping open the ribbon of the straight jacket
Straight?
Who's thinking straight?
Who was right in deciding my fate?
As long as I squeezed my eyes shut...
wide awake in a nightmare
Ignoring the inevitable (I know this from friends who have remained true)
Twisting Fate and moving the ladder out from underneath my feet
Slipped on a rung, took a few hits
Knocked some things loose
Bled; still dealt with it
Climing upward; getting knocked down
Down below the dirt
(the dead aren't the only ones buried underground)
So, I tilt this glass again
(Tilt my hat, your face goes splAT!)
Pour another drink again
Find myself drowning, again
Again, I am lost within.
Habits take hold
Destroy the weak and break down the bold
Counterproductive actions and facts
I'm screaming and flying a flag of S.O.S. (it hangs from the brim of my glass)
Drowning, suffocating
My own breath is crushing me
Blind, but leading
My open eyes are wide awake
and still
I Fail To See.
Copyright 2010 K.A. Smith
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