07-12-2010
11 p.m. or so…
Drawing in a deep, unsteadied and gaspy breath, I can feel my heart pounding in unison to that very exaggerated breath.
This, is early panic.
But I’ll be okay.
There is unease in me, or merely just with me, I’m not sure which it is yet. Flooded with thoughts, I now feel that pounding heart is actually just a bleeding heart; one writhing with certain pain. This body has been equipped with a kind soul, soft heart and thick skull. It’s a conflict of interest, at best.
Daily, I hate something that I do (or don’t). Over time, I’ve tried to learn and relearn (and sometimes, learn once more) how to offer the best of myself. Try as I might, I fall short of my own expectations. I yell more than I’d like at my kids…I choose sharp words in dealing with them….I think that I hurt their feelings easily but unintentionally by losing my calm, or just never feeling calm.
I say things I don’t really mean; always things that are said out of frustration.
I disappoint myself; feel greatly let down and anxious when I lose my calm. I begin to feel like a mean and horrible mother. But I do realize that I do more often try my best to be my best.
Personal fail.
I allow myself to get too tightly wound, at times. I also allow my personal frustrations to overflow into my conscious thinking/doing self. So, in other words; I let things bother me too much, and take it out on the wrong people.
(to be continued, as always…)
Copyright K. Anne Smith
11 p.m. or so…
Drawing in a deep, unsteadied and gaspy breath, I can feel my heart pounding in unison to that very exaggerated breath.
This, is early panic.
But I’ll be okay.
There is unease in me, or merely just with me, I’m not sure which it is yet. Flooded with thoughts, I now feel that pounding heart is actually just a bleeding heart; one writhing with certain pain. This body has been equipped with a kind soul, soft heart and thick skull. It’s a conflict of interest, at best.
Daily, I hate something that I do (or don’t). Over time, I’ve tried to learn and relearn (and sometimes, learn once more) how to offer the best of myself. Try as I might, I fall short of my own expectations. I yell more than I’d like at my kids…I choose sharp words in dealing with them….I think that I hurt their feelings easily but unintentionally by losing my calm, or just never feeling calm.
I say things I don’t really mean; always things that are said out of frustration.
I disappoint myself; feel greatly let down and anxious when I lose my calm. I begin to feel like a mean and horrible mother. But I do realize that I do more often try my best to be my best.
Personal fail.
I allow myself to get too tightly wound, at times. I also allow my personal frustrations to overflow into my conscious thinking/doing self. So, in other words; I let things bother me too much, and take it out on the wrong people.
(to be continued, as always…)
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