Trying To Find a Balance

A new chapter in the book. A chapter of lust, resentment and too much to think about. 
Rent is late. A month overdue. I owe a bunch of money that I don't have...
Was tired of excuses, tired of the game  - waiting - waiting and standing motionless, hoping that something good will happen. Hoping that the sky has cleared and my head will follow suite, soon. 
It's already begun. 
Calmness is starting to seep in. I still find myself treading quietly, being secretive and somewhat sneaky. I suppose, it's my nature. It's in the stars, so I've read anyway. My karmic destiny, perhaps.
Irony was always a topic; subject in writing that dates back to Shakespeare's day. So, I find irony in my own situations as well. I also find that hindsight is the best sight, and it's a shame that this vision isn't available to us, well, to me - until after the fact of everything. 
But still, even then, hindsight serves its purpose. 
It makes it's role evident when we gather up pieces and move along. It's about lessons learned. Hearts being broken. Souls led to be even more mistrusting than they ever were. 
Hindsight, is like white magick overcoming the black, negative energies that seem to try to tug us down. And it will, if you allow it to do so. Prepare for failure, and you will falter, everytime. Hope for success and prosperity, then those little road blocks don't look so big and threatening. 


My heart is set aflutter, some good love and a clean slate have opened my eyes a little more; have showed me where to find light in the darkness.
A connection, a soul-satisfying session of lust and longing, have closed the gap. 
All we ever really want is to be happy in life. Nothing, except our choices will aid in deciding how happy we will be. You must find peace within yourself first before you ever attempt to become one with another being. FAILING to do so only means that you build a wall, and you're the only one behind it.
" If you're gonna build that wall, first, let me in..."
Damaged.
Tattered.
Trashed and scattered.
Malfunction of the mind, 
as it regresses and slips back into remission. 
Like cancer. 
Soul cancer. 

I remain existant on three plains:
1. The spiritual connection
2. the gratitude of  solitude.
3. Mere human existance, or simply - "Just being." 

I wish to take back my power, and I have. I AM a reason, I AM capable of achievement, and I will NOT rest until my mind slows and I have reached goals. 

Money - not accomplished. 

Fame, never wanted it.

Recognition, always needed it...

Peace, well, 

                      I'm still searching for it.  

I have a sexy little friend, 
his chisled shoulders and hard-worked hands
He follows me like a moth to the flame
And he looks me in the eye
And he calls me by my name.
Sir Psycho Sexy, that is he
And I can hold him close,
And pray that he never leaves
And I pray too, that I can maintain
That my soul will rest with his; 
The moth to the flame.
I pray that I don't follow my wicked ways
And that I can change, 
Change, so that I can see the sun
on cloudy days
Straightening out the neurons 
and synapses within my brain
I pray that I can find peace
And I hope for better days.

 


Copyright 2010 K. Anne Smith